I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
