just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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