RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
then he tried to convert me to islam
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
