The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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