Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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