Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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