I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
