He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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