I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
