Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So. Much. Porn.
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