the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
