This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
