Can i not drive my cunt home
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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