I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We are all done wearing pants today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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