just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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