so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
