In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
