The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
