Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
