we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
