Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
