somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
