i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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