you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
