I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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