$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
