i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
