I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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