I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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