Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
