I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize