You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
