i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
