dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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