hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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