btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
