Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
