do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
