Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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