Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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