Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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