Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
