I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
