Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
