Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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