they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
