I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your dad touched me again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
