they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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