so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
