did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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