my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
