I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
