It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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