You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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