You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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