And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
