I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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