hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
