is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
