Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
