Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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